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I could envision someone singing this. There were just a couple lines that struck me as out of place with the rest of the song, I mean I felt it ...

This was well written and flowed endlessly, except for the last segment: all that remains, just two lifeless corpses the bodies of two lovers their blood mixed around them their ...

"Even now in the mist of this terrible storm." I don't think you need a period here, it kind of stopped the flow. I think a comma is better suited, ...

in-between sheets and limbs -- I'd leave out the in, so it's just between, it read nicer to me and it still makes sense. Remnants of previous hours seep into ...

Yeah, I'll be another person to say don't stop, especially at 13. Anyways I was gonna say you have something here, just some unnecessary words. And I think Medusa's critique ...

[quote]reads the anchor on the coffee table I'd take reads out hear, it read more fluidly to me without it [quote]They sailed around the world before I was born, and ...

As I read it I was thinking, well he's got the ideas, the thoughts, now where's the poem. This read more like an outline to a potential poem, to me ...

I like this, but I also agree with the critique above about the cannot thing. But then I think, thinking about the title, that maybe it was deliberate on your ...